That avocado toast won't destroy your financial future – but a harsh, unsustainable budget actually could. Frances Cook explains.
If beating yourself into being better with money was going to work… wouldn’t it have worked already?
Guilt, unfortunately, is often a terrible motivator for long-term changes with our money.
It can work for a couple of weeks, but then we usually get sick of the sack cloth, and go back to spending frivolously, with a feeling of “yolo, can’t be bothered feeling bad about this any more”.
The secret, though, is that you actually don’t have to choose between enjoying life, and building a plan for the future. It’s entirely possible to quit the guilt, without giving up on your goals.
Permission to enjoy life now
Many people think the goal of being “good with money” is to never spend on anything fun again.
I can’t tell you the number of people who’ve spotted me at a café, and said they’re surprised the money lady would indulge in anything so luxurious. But café time is one of the things I’ve built into my budget, because I enjoy it.
Spend, happily, on things that you can afford and that bring you genuine happiness. Ruthlessly cut out the things that don’t bring you that happiness, that you can’t afford, or that you can find enjoyment of at a cheaper price elsewhere.
Good money management is about being intentional, not deprived.
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If you’ve paid your bills, made your savings contributions, and are on track with your goals, then there’s nothing irresponsible about spending on things that bring you joy. Whether it’s a weekend away or a takeaway coffee, what matters is that you planned for it.
Some people feel guilty for spending on non-essentials while they still have a mortgage. Or student debt. Or a long-term goal they haven’t hit yet. It’s totally unrealistic, though, to put your entire life on hold until everything is “sorted”. Down that path, is only burnout and regret.
You don’t need to earn a certain income or reach a specific milestone to be allowed to enjoy your money. Build it in, from the start. Just make sure that it’s done in a way that fits your budget.
Use systems, not willpower
If you’re relying on willpower alone to manage your money, it’s no wonder you feel like you’re constantly falling short.
Willpower runs out quickly, especially when you’re stressed or tired. (Trust me, I know.)
Instead, set up systems that make good money decisions happen automatically.
That could mean:
- Setting up an automatic payment to savings each payday
- Switching to order groceries online, so that you can easily reorder from previous lists, and not be tempted by snacks at the counter
- Using a “sinking fund” to keep money aside for irregular expenses like car maintenance or birthdays
Once the systems are in place, you don’t have to think about them — and you don’t have to feel bad every time you spend from what’s already been accounted for.
It’s not about being stricter. It’s about being smarter.
Refocus on what you really care about
Guilt often creeps in when you’re chasing a goal that doesn’t actually matter to you.
Because if you don’t care, but feel like you "should", you’re almost certainly going to fall off the wagon. And then feel bad about it.
Maybe you’re trying to save for a house because everyone says you should. But deep down, you’d rather prioritise travel or work flexibility.
Maybe you feel bad that you’re not investing aggressively, when actually your top priority is paying off debt.
If the goal doesn’t match your values, it will always feel like a struggle, and guilt will follow you every step of the way.
So take a moment to pause and ask: what do you actually want your money to do for you?
More time with your kids? Less stress at work? The ability to leave a toxic relationship?
Money isn’t the end goal in itself. It’s just a tool to help you build the life you want to live.
Acknowledge the wins, even the small ones
Progress doesn’t always look dramatic.
Sometimes it’s resisting an impulse buy. Sometimes it’s checking your account balance even when you’re nervous to look.
But building the mental muscle to manage your money well, is built out of these regular repetitions, or small wins. Just as a few squats each day will give you a fantastic booty… as long as you stick with it for a couple of months. A small win, repeated often, becomes a big result.
A big investment portfolio or a house is not the real benchmark.
You’re building awareness. Making better decisions. Setting things up so your future self is in a stronger position.
Be realistic about what’s in your control
Money guilt tends to ignore context.
It doesn’t care that the cost of living is up. That you’re earning the same but insurance and groceries are costing you a small fortune.
It’s easy to blame yourself when things feel tight. Sure, sometimes there are things we can do better. But sometimes, there are things out of our control.
Control the things you can. Let go of the things you can’t. You can’t stop inflation, but you can switch to a better grocery routine.
You can’t change interest rates, but you can negotiate your mortgage or insurance.
You can’t undo a late start to investing, but you can start now.
Drop the guilt. Keep the agency.
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